Understanding

     It's funny, when I was a child, I thought that God was love. That's it. Nothing more. No more complications, no more add on's, just love. I also was more honest as a child. I loved and people loved me back. Not everyone was nice, and maybe I'd cry if they didn't like me, but I sure didn't dwell on it; in fact, usually the next day I'd be off playing with my friends and the deeds of the day before were far removed from my mind. I usually only remembered the good things of my childhood and days gone by. The bad things ( which seem significantly less that the good) didn't really stick the way the good ones did.

     My mom apologizes to me all the time for something she did when I was little. I tell her over and over, I don't remember it, but what I do remember is being picked up from school one day, and instead of going the usual way home, we turned south and drove for about 2 1/2 hours. My questions of where are we going we met with, it's a surprise. When the car stopped, we were at Sanibel Island, and mom and dad let us run into the ocean in our school clothes as we squealed with delight to learn this was a vacation, and we'd be at the beach for several days! Moments like that are what I remember :)

     I was encouraging a friend about his bible reading ( or lack thereof) and I could tell he felt slightly condemned. I received these words to encourage him and build him up. I told him that God wasn't mad, or upset, God wasn't angry about his lack of reading...God just missed him, and wanted that special time with him. It made me think that sometimes as a grown up, I tack on all these things to God now. I have to read my bible, I have to go to church, I have to do this and this. But, that's stuff that I put on it. That's how in my adulthood, I tack on all these things and I made God to be something that he's not. He doesn't change, he's never changed, I try to change him. I was reminded that God loves me. That's it. He loves me. He doesn't love me if and when I do this and this...he just loves me. And just like me as a child, remembering the good and fun times, When I repent, and run to my Father God, fall at His feet and drown in His ocean of grace time and time again, He doesn't see me running as the girl that did this sin and that sin, but rather, He looks at His beloved daughter coming to Him again and again! How amazing and refreshing to know this and to live in this!

     During my morning bible reading time ( and I have ALWAYS struggled with this, but lately, it's been easier, and I want to do it) and I've been learning SO much. Things I've always heard a little about or knew a little about, are now brought into clear revelation, shining light on so much! Thank you God for deepening my wanting for you, for your words, for your knowledge, for your love letter and instructions to me.

     Thank you God for being love, for never giving up on me, for always being there for me. Please Lord, continue to grow me, show me new things, help me to fall in love with you all over again, and to always remember your goodness, your faithfulness, and to remember who I am in YOU and in you alone! May I be like the child I once was, and throw off the hurtful things, the things that don't matter, and may I live in the simplicity of love and your holy love.

     Your never too far, you've never done too much. God's waiting, He misses you. Go to Him, don't waste anymore time :)