Loving you.

If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.  ~Johann von Goethe

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.  ~Judy Garland

How much time and effort do we spend...trying to be someone else, something else? I know that answer for me...was A LOT! I didn't know that the sin of comparrison was something I was guilty of, but eventually I allowed myself to stop lying to myself and see that I was committing this terribly detrimental sin. 

I would compare myself to other people on every level imaginable. Why can't I sing like her, why can't I not be overweight and pretty like her. Why can't I be smart like him? Why can't I have faith like her? Why can't I have biblical knowledge and pray like he does? On and on and on...I tormented myself by comparing myself to others. I couldn't accept that God had made me this way. I was a failure *or so I told myself. I wasn't good enough. I had to work at having friends and making myself what you wanted me to be. I no longer allowed myself to rest in the grace of God and in the beauty of His almighty and infinite creation. I removed him from my life and just focused on making myself what I thought He wanted me to be and what others wanted me to be. 


Several people had to look me in the eye and tell me that I was spitting in God's face and calling Him a liar. What? was my reaction. What do you mean? I'm giving me all to make myself what He wants! Then they turned my twisted logic back into reality...I can't make myself into something because I"m not God, and He already made me just how He wanted me, where He wanted me. This wasn't an easy revelation to allow into my heart. For a long time I let it come in one ear and out the other. I didn't allow it to sink in, to settle down and to change me. The enemy had me convinced that God loved everyone, anyone...but not me. I had messed up one too many times, I had crossed the line more than I was allowed. Apparently, in my head, I ran back to the throne of grace asking for forgiveness for the same things one too many times. He was done with me, He was over it, and He was over me. 


When I finally came to God and asked for forgiveness for my sin of comparission, he opened my heart and my mind and showed me that He had created me, and He doesn't make mistakes. I was His beloved, just the way I was! He had dreams and hopes for me, He has people and places that only I could talk to and go to.  He healed my heart and showed me that I didn't need to compare myself to others. The only person I needed to look to for love and acceptance was Him! 


It's amazing to rest in His love and grace and to accept yourself as the person He made you to be. I didn't realize it till later, but I was also praying, seeking and searching for a man to complete me. I wanted a husband so badly, I wanted to know love and to be loved back. I thought I was a half and I needed my other half. It wasn't until I allowed myself to be a whole, a whole person resting in God's love, that He brought me my other whole person. Mike didn't change me or complete me, but instead, God gave him to me, so we can help each other further become who Christ has called us to be.

Men, I can't speak 100% for you because I'm a girl, but I am sure some of you do this also, maybe not in such high number as girls...but I"m sure you do at some level. 


Today, if you are struggling with this, know that you can't fix yourself and your never going to be "that person" that you want to be. Rest in God's grace and love, and know that you are His perfect creation. Stop trying to make yourself what you think you want or what you think God wants. You are His beloved.  My joy has been restored since I learned to rest in who I am in Christ. Find yourself in Him, and only look to Him when you are wondering who you are. 


Praying everyone has a blessed day!